Over the past two months since being diagnosed with cancer I have truly been amazed and grateful for the outpouring of support and kindness from family and friends. I have received cards and letters from people I was close to and others I was not so close with. I have received calls from people who I have not heard from in a while who have heard of my cancer, and are concerned about how I am doing. I have heard of other people who want to call but don't want to overstep their bounds and have held off until I feel comfortable calling them. I have heard of blessings being given for my health, novenas recited and candles being lit.
Elyse and I have received offers of help with transportation to appointments. Open invitations to have my children come over for play dates whenever we need help and offers of meals and support to help us through any times when treatment gets tough. Coworkers come to my office everyday to check on me to see how I am doing. The theme of every conversation, letter and phone call has always been that we are concerned about your health, we hope you get better and let us know if there is anything we can do to help.
As a clinical social worker I have spent my career helping my client's identify and utilize support networks to help them cope with their health and mental health issues. As a social worker I have come to truly understand how interconnected we all are. How we need each other to support each other and love and care for each other to get through the tough times. In my clinical practice I have clients who I see get stuck focused on thinking that they are the only ones who can take care of themselves. They end up isolated and lonely and have few support systems to help them through the tough times.
Ironically it is only in the past year that I have begun to truly realize how important connections and community are to my life. I have to confess that from time to time I still think of the the old Simon and Garfunkel song about individuals being an island that does not have to rely on other people. For longer than I would like to admit I believed that was true. Even after having a family of my own I some how believed that Elyse and I could take care of our family without extra support from family, friends and community. It did not matter if we lived a few hundred miles from our nearest family. We were a rock, we were an island, we could take care of ourselves.
Over the years as our children have grown and our family has confronted various crises and issues I finally have begun to realize how important it is to be personally part of a community that supports and cares about our family and a community that gives us a sense of belonging to something more than just the four of us. When Elyse and I contemplated having Alexis' bat mitzvah in a synagogue where we had no sense of community we felt empty and alone. Luckily we were able to find Beth El, which provided a compassionate, supportive community to help us celebrate Alexis' bat mitzvah.
My diagnosis of cancer and the subsequent outpouring of kindness and caring have truly convinced me of what I should have known all along. That you can't go through this life alone. Connections need to be made with others, these connections, these moments spent with others are to me what give our life meaning. Supporting each other, loving and caring for each other, what else can possibly matter more in life?
The realization that I am part of a community that cares for and loves me and my family is for me the silver lining in this cancer cloud. I wish that I had been smart enough to have seen the love and care that has always been there for my family without having to have the wake up call of cancer make me finally open my eyes.
I have not always been diligent about returning phone calls and responding to cards and e-mails. Please know that I truly appreciate every kind and supportive word that I have been the recipient of since my cancer diagnosis. Knowing that I am not alone in this, that my family is not alone in this is what makes this experience bearable. Thank you.
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